Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
