I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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