I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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