The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
