New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
