I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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