I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
