"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
