the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
