Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
