dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
