and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
