So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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