You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
