I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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