Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
