Can Purell be used as lube?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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