I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
