Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
