You made me cry and you don't even care
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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