..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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