I CAN MOONWALK!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
