You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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