im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.