My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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