Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed