Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.