I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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