i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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