she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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