it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
