jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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