What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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