you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
