forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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