I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just forgot I was standing up.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
