One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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