i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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