made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize