The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He better not be in your backpack
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
