A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
