we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
