my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
