i will never coherently bang her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
