just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
