I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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