My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
