By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
