Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
