I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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