I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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