he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
