Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
