I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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