some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
