Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
...so i touched it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
