I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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