Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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