the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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