isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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