The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
