Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
