And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
