I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
