If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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