we're blogging at a bar
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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