his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
