i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize